Rick Scott’s “Inner Voice”

Below, an excerpt from an imaginary dialogue between Rick Scott and Rick Scott’s “inner voice”  from Warren Langer’s blog “Still liberal at 83” http://stillliberalat83.net/2010/06/28/rick-scott-republican-candidate-for-florida-governor-talks-to-rick-scott/

It seems, to me, to capture Scott’s inner spirit in an important way.

Rick Scott, Republican Candidate for Florida Governor, talks to Rick Scott

Inner voice: What’s happening handsome?

Scott:         I’ve been thinking of taking over Florida. It’s broken and broke and I can pick it up cheap.

IV:              Peanuts cheap?

Scott:        A few TV spots, some snappy phrases and it’s mine. A state of my own.

IV:              Didn’t you have some problems with that chain of hospitals you ran?

Scott:         I already apologized; said I was the Chief Executive Officer and I was responsible.

IV:             Columbia HCA was fined $1.7 billion for Medicaid and Medicare fraud. Isn’t that a problem?

Scott:         I apologized.

IV:             And that’s it?

Scott:        Hey I not only apologized but said, “Let’s get to work.”

IV:             And that will do it?

Scott:        Look pal, Florida is a state with a collective IQ of 70. They don’t know from Medicare, Medicaid and Quantum Physics which may help in the bathroom. They want me, the next governor, the handsome bald guy, to fix potholes and have slot machines in every condo except for Lake City where they and I are against gambling of any kind except bingo.

IV:              That’s it?

Scott:         They want to know I’m against drilling and I am. I’m against drilling. I also bicycle around the state and use my jet to take sick kids to Disney. It’s all there in the commercials.

IV:              And you believe this will work?

Scott:         Damn right. I didn’t get to pile up all those penalties and jets by being Mr. Nice Guy. I keep saying, “Let’s get to work” in every town but Boca. Over and over again.

IV:              What kind of work?

Scott:        Work work.

IV:              Why Florida? Why not Montana?

Scott:         Montana would be cheaper which proves to the voters it’s not money that drives me. Also Montana already had a famous Senator, Mike Mansfield, and they would always compare me to him.

IV:              Wyoming?

Scott:         That’s Cheney’s state. California would cost way too much and I really don’t like Illinois.

IV:              What’s your big issue?

Scott:         Taxes. They’re way too high.

IV:              But Florida has no state Income Tax and their taxes are traditionally low.

Scott:        The voters don’t know that.

IV:              But won’t voters think you would be benefitting the rich guys.

Scott:         Well yes but I’m not a rich guy. I’m a regular guy, a take out the garbage guy like everybody else.

IV:              You’re worth over a billion.

Scott:         But I put on my pants one leg at a time. And one pair is from Sears and another is from L.L Bean. I’d don’t have three yachts. I’m just another bald guy. Bald guys are never rich. Get that through your head. Bald guys are never rich.

IV:              You’re poor?

Scott:        Deep down inside I’m one foot away from the Poor House.  I’m just a bald guy with a shovel.

IV:              What’s the shovel for?

Scott:        To shovel with. What kind of dummy are you anyway?

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Les']

He does look handsome and sweet, and really works the bald head.